Writing Tips: Show and Tell

It has become almost a cliché – the old mantra “Show, not tell” and often you will hear it when receiving a critique. But what, you may ask, does it actually mean? Is the critiquer offering valid advice, or are they just trying to appear sophisticated and smug? And is it in fact a valid point – do you really need to show, not tell? What does it do for the story.

Is it important?

Well, to be honest – no. Whether you show instead of telling, will not determine whether you become a popular author or not. MANY best-selling authors do not show, they just tell. Lesley Pearse, Danielle Steele, and my mother's favourite, MC Beaton all engage in a manner of story telling that is just that, TELLing. Action fiction like Matthew Reilly is also heavy on the Tell. It has a place – and that place is generally quick and easy reads that are fast-paced and mostly forgettable. When you consider how many books each of these authors has produced, you realise that they are, literally, churning the stories out.

So why do it?

By showing, you turn your book from a forgettable, if enjoyable, read into an experience. One that the reader feels along with the characters, one that may well linger in their mind and stick with them for a considerable time. It brings the characters more fully too life – establishing them as real people instead of just characters.

And it also really does increase your word count.

Telling is passive, like having the story read to you at bedtime. The reader is clearly divided from the main characters, almost as though they were watching them from afar or on television.

Showing is active, as though the story is actually happening around the reader. It is more immediate, more involving.

So, how to do it?

Minimise Adverbs
Adverbs are a prime example of Tell in story-telling. They are clunky and should be - if not eliminated, than at least minimised. In many cases, a more powerful verb exists:

Tell: Aurelia ran quickly away from the predator.
Show: Aurelia bounded away from the predator.

It creates a more visceral immediacy.

Describe Emotions
One of the easiest ways to show instead of telling is to describe how the character feels, rather than telling the author. There are many ways to do it - you can use body language and physiological changes.

For example: how do you know when you are feeling sad? What physical symptoms do you experience? What goes on inside your head?

Remember, there are two ways to describe emotion: one as how it feels and the other as how it is perceived on another. When describing emotion in your story, the point-of-view character should feel their own emotions (a lump in the throat, a quivering in the chest etc) but read it in the body language of others (a frown, slumped shoulders).

  Be careful not to overdo this! One sentence of another's body languge should be sufficient in most cases. Also, take care that characters do not repeat the same action too many times - I had one character "scowl" three times within two pages. Mix up the descriptions a bit!

If you are uncomfortable with writing emotions, try watching some television - particularly dramas and soap operas. Study the body language  of the actors - they cannot Tell you how they are feeling - they must Show you.

Get Specific
Detail the world around the characters - it's not just a banister, it's a worn wooden banister, it's not just a car, it's a bright red sportscar. Be aware, though, that the descriptions should be limited by the character's perceptions: what is a bright red sportscar to one person might be an ardent red jaguar to another. What is a little brown bird to one person might be a song sparrow to another.

There is a danger in giving too much detail, we do not want screes of description about irrelevant objects - these slow the prose and distract or bore the reader.

Show Description in the Characters Interactions with the Environment
 No bulk dump of descriptive text when the character enters a new room, please! Instead, have the character interact with it - run their hand along the banister, cast their eyes on the paintings, stumble over the footstool left in the middle of the floor.

Use All Five Senses
Visual cues are the easiest - but don't forget sound, smell, taste and feel!

Dialogue
 Dialogue is a great way to show emotion and also can be used (sparingly and carefully) as a means of transfering information to the reader which would otherwise result in exposition or infodumps. This is a popular technique in school situations - where the characters could be learning about the history of the realm, or the science behind a particularly plot-relevant device.

Dialogue is also a great way to show the personalities of characters - if the main character's neighbour is a hateful, spiteful, stereotypical nasty old man, don't tell it like I just did, show it in his reaction to her cat wandering across his lawn or so forth.

To avoid lots of dialogue tags: he said, she said, he shouted, she whispered etc, try and intersperse them with actions. Show the speaker's body language and actions as they talk. Describe the other character's reaction. It is important though, that if you are showing a reaction, do it on the line below, for the reader will automatically attribute the first name they see following dialogue as the speaker, if they are on the same line.

Use adverbs sparingly and try not to overdo the variety of "said" alternatives that you use.

Vary Sentence Structure

Shorter sharper sentences build tension, and are great for action scenes.

Longer, more complicated sentences will slow the prose and can be great for drawing out the suspense.

Try not to start all sentences with the same word, this is a sure sign of Telling:

Exercise:
1. Think about a chore or activity you feel strongly about - whether it be love, hate, anger or disappointment - then write a short passage of either yourself or a character engaging in this activity. Do not directly Tell the reader what the activity is, nor how it makes you feel. Show them.

2. Have another character enter the scene. This character is feeling a strong emotion too, one that contrasts with the character in #1. Show us, through body language and dialogue, how this character behaves as perceived by Character #1.

3. Have character #1's emotion change as a result of Character #2s behaviour.

Possible Pitfalls:
- Purple prose - over-describing in flowery terms that confuses and/or bores the reader (we don't want to be consulting the dictionary as we read)
- filling the story with irrelevant details (do we really need to know every little thing about that walnut sideboard?)
- false foreshadowing - this can be used to your advantage, but be aware of it. If a particular item is described in intense detail early on, the reader will automatically assume it will be of some, probably critical, relevance later on in the tale.
- disrupting the tension - too much detail about irrelevant things when the story is building to an emotional or physical climax.

which brings us to:

When to Tell and not Show:
- in action scenes - or other scenes where they will slow, or halt the prose - DO NOT use long descriptions. Think of how the POV character would perceive the situation.
- if you have a lot of information and need to get it presented fast.
- when describing an everyday task that is of little consequence/relevance to the main plot (we do not need, for example, all the steps to making tea).

And remember: Your readers are intelligent creatures (they chose your book, after all!) give them some credit - you do not need to show AND tell the same thing unless there is some ambivalence in how it might be perceived. For example:

 Aurelia huddled beneath the overhang, tail tucked in tight to her body, shivering. "Don't find me, don't find me," she thought, as though that simple mantra would protect her from the Hunter. She was terrified.

A Blast from the Past - an extract from my "first" novel

Recently I have been introduced to Writing Excuses, an excellent podcast featuring one of my favourite (and only recently discovered) fantasy authors, Brandon Sanderson. One thing they discuss is how your first novel will beyour "practise novel". This is somewhat reassuring to me, because I have written enough "practise" novels now to almost be skilled at it. Anyhow, they also have in the recent ones I've been listening to, been sharing their own "first novels" and dissecting them.

so, I thought I would share the first passage of my first fantasy novel (not counting the one about satanists in the sewers, let's leave that one where it belongs - downstairs printed on dot matrix paper). This is my first fantasy epic, which is highly, extremely derivative, as it was inspired by the Helloween song "Keeper of the Seven Keys" with characters based on the members of the band (names have been changed) and yeh... I was a little bit obsessive.

However, the writing style is actually passingly decent, so here, without further ado, is the first passage of "Keeper of the Seven Keys", the derivative novel.

*****************************

A lonely human figure picked its way through the empty streets of the village. It was early evening, but the darkness was so absolute, so complete, that it could have been the middle of a moonless night. The young man scrabbled through the garbage that littered the alleyway, desperately searching for something. In his callused hand he clasped his only possession of any worth, a small dark stone. To all but the trained eye, this stone seemed like a useless keepsake, but it was in fact a seeker stone, a stone that could be used to find particular items. This one was poor quality however; all it was able to detect was small coins. At the moment it was pulsing with warmth suggesting there was a coin in the vicinity. This was what he needed, money, needed it to feed his hunger. But not a hunger for food. For this young man was addicted to 'Myrth', a most powerful narcotic so named because of its effect on the user. The coin eluded his searching fingers.

A thin tendril of coldness ran down the back of the addict, icy fingers were reaching for him. He straightened up, turning and found himself staring into the face of danger. A dark, intangible shape with eyes so black that they glowed with an unlit radiance loomed before him, reaching for him. Pushing himself against the wall, he faced his adversary. He had heard of these monsters, who hadn't in this godsforsaken town? But had never seen one. Known as dream demons, or phantoms of death, they were rumoured to be from beyond the mortal realms and had materialised in this village soon after the last dawn had passed. Stuttering, afraid, the young man offered a silent prayer to any of the gods that might be listening. The phantom came closer, its shape expanding to engulf him. There was nothing he could do, he had no weapon except... his hand was warm. Why was that? The stone! Gritting his teeth and hoping upon hope, he threw the small missile at the main bulk of the phantom. His aim was true, the black, swirling mist engulfed the stone and the phantom seemed to become smoke, to separate.

"I killed it," he whispered breathlessly. "I defeated a phantom!" His heart leapt with joy. But wait, the smoke was coalescing into a figure again. The young man, realising this, turned swiftly from the alleyway and ran for his life.

The lights of the temple reached out to him, banishing the darkness. They were always lit, for in these dark times many of the villagers would seek sanctuary in the arms of the gods they worshipped. And although there were many gods, there was just one temple. Here should offer sanctuary. It was said that the phantoms could not venture into light and warmth, since they were from the pits of the frozen nether regions and had been released by the will of the god of darkness. The hunted man collapsed in a heap just inside the entrance, feeling the warmth and the light of the gods, or the church anyway, embrace him, luring him into sleep.

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Publishing on CreateSpace

So, you've finished your NaNo novel and you've got yourself this nifty code for five free copies of your published novel (although you do have to pay postage). So, here is the quick run-down on what you will need to do to create your published novel (and sell it on Amazon too, should you so desire).

What you require:
- One finished novel
- A computer with some form of writing program on it. It does not matter which one, as long as you can:
a, change the size of the pages
b, save or export files as pdf files.
I use OpenOffice's Swriter program.
- A lot of time on your hands.
-  A cover. More details on that to come when you get to that stage.
- Some sort of illustration program is also very useful
- Patience

1. Go to CreateSpace.com and sign up.
2. Login, you should be taken to your DASHBOARD.
3. Select "Add New Title"
4. Fill in the details - Title and Format (you will want to select "paperback")

5. Now, you have the option between a guided tour or doing it your own way.
If you select "Guided" it will take you through the steps one at a time:
For Title Information: If you enter a subtitle, it will appear on Amazon, so I don't recommend it unless it is necessary. I also do not recommend entering a Prefix in for your name, as this means you will appear on Amazon as "Mrs Angela Oliver" when you may not want to! If you are a Doctor of course, fill it in!
When you have filled in these as much as you wish to, click on "Save and Continue".

6. You now have the choice between a CreateSpace assigned ISBN or using your own. NOTE: once you have an ISBN for your book, your book officially exists, if you go on and publish it, you will be considered a published author even if you don't make it available for the public to buy. This MAY have an effect on your options of publishing through more traditional publishers. Of course, if you become a highly successful independently published author, then you might be head-hunted by a traditional publisher. HOWEVER, you should not use CreateSpace to print up volumes of your fanfiction or otherwise copyrighted material. Your ISBN will be assigned and you can "Save and Continue".

7. Now comes the INTERIOR section. This (and the next) are the two most time-consuming sections and you will likely visit this page frequently, as you make last minute changes. First options are paper type and book size. You can choose black and white or colour. I have yet to explore colour costs, but I imagine that they will be rather higher than black and white! To choose your trim size, you might like to measure a few of the books on your shelf and see which ones you like. I use 5.5 x 8.5 inches for my books. I cannot remember why I chose that size, but I want all of mine to look relatively similar, so I have remained consistent.

8. Now comes the time to Upload your Interior. This is the bit that requires you to engage in quite a bit of formating. I recommend at this point that you save your CreateSpace and leave it for now (it'll store all the info, no worries there) and now open your writing program. You must remember the formatting of the book is entirely your responsibility. CreateSpace do not proofread, nor check-em except to make sure that the images are the right size. So, you must create your PDF file.

Creating a PDF of your story:
- Firstly, adjust the page sizes of your manuscript to match those of the Trim Size you have chosen. Most writing programs should allow you to "custom" your page sizes. It will then reformat your entire work.
- Now, you must add in the front pages. For some ideas here, pick up the nearest book in your house and look at the way the front pages are set out:
(Odd numbered pages are on the right hand side, evens on the left. Therefore, even numbered pages are on the back of the odd numbered pages)
Page 1*: In some books this is merely the title, in others, a page of glowing reviews, others choose to put in a passage from the text that it particularly gripping.
Page 2*: Often blank, or you can list other books you have written here.
Page 3: Title page - shows title of book, author's name etc
Page 4: Copyright details, ISBN, perhaps a dedication (unless you want that on the next page)
Page 5: Dedication or quote
Page 6: Blank, Map or other Illustration
Page 7: The story begins.
 * My earlier self-published books skip these two pages, and start with the title page (meaning the story starts on page 5). There are a few traditionally published books that do this too, but not many. 

> The story should ALWAYS start on a right hand page, even if this means leaving some other pages blank.
> Page Numbers should not be on the pages before the story begins (see my earlier notes for how to format this in OpenOffice).

Other Things to Consider:
Headers: I don't really like Headers, and a random opening of my shelved books shows that not every traditionally published book has them anyway.If you do have Headers, remember to remove them from the pages which say "Chapter One" in them, or whatever. Otherwise they look poorly formatted and ugly.
Footers: Page Numbers are ESSENTIAL. The library needs to put a tag in your book on page 33, after all. You can center your page numbers or set all the left hand pages to the left hand side, and all the right hand to the right side.
Font: I prefer serif fonts for my manuscripts (they're the ones with feet) and all of my novels use Century Schoolbook. You can use Times New Roman, but it's so common, it's kinda blah. Century Schoolbook adds a bit of class. Make sure the font you use is easy to read, also be aware that some fonts are not royalty free, meaning you can't use them in something you're making money from. This may not be too much of a hassle unless you become mega-successful. If you set your font too large, it will look like a book for young kids or the elderly. If you set it too small, it is difficult to read. I use font size 10, Century Schoolbook for my novels. Note that font size (and line spacing) will affect your number of pages, and if you want a really thick book, you need a bigger font! (Which is why I think some traditionally publishsed authors use such big text, either that or it is for their older readers!).
Paragraphs: Note that after a linebreak, the first sentence of a paragraph is not indented, but all the rest are.
Line Spacing: I publish my books with spacing set to 1.5, because these make it easier to track the lines, and I write for children.
Chapter Headings: Make sure your fonts, size and style are consistent. Don't write "Chapter One" then have "Chapter 2", for example. Also note that changing the size of the font here may affect the way the text lines up at the bottom of the page, and it is preferable to have these consistent. For this purpose also, you should Kill all Widow and Orphan Control*. Adjust the font size of the Chapter headings until you can see that they line up in the PDF version. An easy way to do this is to make sure that the line spacing is proportional - ie: I usually set my line spacing to 0.54, which leaves a bit of a gap between lines, and for the headers I set it to 1.08 (2 x 0.54). This seems to work.
Adding Illustrations to Text: There are two sorts of ways you can include illustrations in the story - one is as a full page spread, the other is as little line drawings interspersed with the text. There's no real rule to doing this, just make sure it looks right. Personally, from here-in I intend to draw my images at a size that is proportional to the page size so it will fit without having one or two sentences around it. "Aroha" and "Midsummer Knight" both have them mingled with the text, but for my "Lemur" books, I've got them on full single pages at the end of the relevant chapters. Use lineart or greyscale your colour images first, so that the printer doesn't get confused at the other end. Also, if you're greyscaling colour, you can make adjustments to brightness etc to make it clearer. If intermingling it with the text, use the "padding" option to provide a few millimetres of space around the image so that the text doesn't run into it. Trying to get them to sit right on the page can be endlessly frustrating and I have no advice but perseverence. If you are also writing for ebook format, illustrations will mean the text on the page preceeding may run for half a page or less, as they always show up indvidually. I remove the illustrations from my ebooks (although I might leave them in with Lemurs, since they're at the end of the chapter anyway) as it gives more incentive to actually buy the physical book.

 * Widows and Orphans - when the page reformats itself so that if you have two lines in a paragraph at the base of the page that would be left hanging, they get shifted up to the next page leaving a gap of two lines. They are the bane of my OpenOffice existence, since I want my text to line up at the base of the page, and I don't care if the are only four words on the next page. I keep turning them off on OpenOffice, and they keep coming back to haunt me.

Once you think you're done - export your novel as a pdf file and look through it, to make sure everything looks as it should.
If it does, then you can upload it into CreateSpace and move onto the next step.
Note: You will need to fix all grammar, spelling and continuity errors yourself. Createspace does not edit it in any way.

9. Now it's time to make the Cover. This is the funnest bit of all - if by fun you mean very important. This has to a, look professional and b, grab the readers' attention. I can't promise that mine do the former, but I would like to think they do the latter. CreateSpace offers several ways to do your cover. You can use their templates, upload your own PDF or pay someone to do it for you. Personally, I prefer number 1, because I could not quite work out how to use my programs to save as a PDF. Luckily, there is a way to upload the entire jacket (front, back and spine) without requiring a PDF.
So, firstly, Load Cover Creator:
This brings a pop-up with a wide range of templates, all named after plants. Most offer basic outlines where you can enter your text and upload images if you like. However, there are two that are particularly useful - the Pine and the Palm.
The Palm - this one allows you to upload the front and back images of the cover, but will do the spine for you (please note, if you haven't uploaded an interior, your spine will not show, the program works it out based on thickness of book.) To do this one, you simply need to design two images in your art program of choice and upload them. The cons? The spine is very boring, and you cannot add any images to it, and you're restricted to their selection of ugly fonts. My first two novels were published using The Palm, and their spines stand out on my shelf as looking self-published.
The Pine - for this one, you create the entire cover (front, spine, back) and upload it as a whole. You can download a template to make sure the spine is in the right place etc. This gives you the freedom to make the spine look professional and fancy, should you wish. The cons? it's a more difficult process and if your spine is off by a few millimetres it will definitely show.
Now, I'm no professional at designing covers, although I do a lot of art, and I am learning. My earlier efforts were... not great, to put it lightly. My first proof copy of "Aroha's" looks like the self published novel that it is. Later ones still look self-published, but I think with my latest "Lemurs" series, they will finally start to look more professional (and I will redo Aroha's after I've sold out of my current stock).
But here's some things I've figured out:
- Block colour only looks good if it is black. Some texture behind it looks better. I use photographs that I have altered the brightness and the colouring of to give them a "lightwash"
- If you are going to do an entire page illustration - make sure you draw it bigger than the trim size (about .25 inches larger) and keep all important details at least this distance from the edge - believe me, I've had the worst time using the clone brush to add that extra .25 inches because one of my characters got too close to the edge and I didn't want to cut her head off.
- All images should be at least 300 dpi. If it's a little bit less (like 290 or so), it shouldn't matter, but the smaller it is, the less clear the image will be. You should probably scan stuff at 400 dpi, and draw your interior images at the size you want them print at, if not larger.
- Leave room for the title! There's nothing worse than trying to squeeze too many words into too small a space. I also found that using the smudge tool to blur the sky behind the title made it pop out more than doing it straight over the colouring pencil.
- To decide how your title should look, I recommend studying various books, particularly in the genre that you are using. Remember the whole "royalty free fonts" thing too, and try to use ones that are Royalty Free, just in case.
- You will need to write a blurb for the back of your book. This is always what I find to be one of the more difficult parts - as you want to lure the reader in without giving away too much of the plot. From comparing the blurbs of books I've read to their actual plots, I've found that some authors not so much as lie, but as alter the plot in a manner to make it seem more interesting.

Once your image is up - Congratulations - you have finished the "Set-up" side of your novel. Now it's time to order your first proof copy and see how it all looks!

One thing I noticed with proof copies - because books need to be bound with a certain amount of pages, you may end up with some blank pages at the end. It is always fun to figure out something to fill these with! Suggestions include: a short story, a short comic, information about other books you've published, an "about the author" page.

To make use of your free copy codes, you need to have your book "published" first - but if you don't want to fork out for a proof copy, you can now proof it online and see how it looks there. There's nothing like owning your own copy though - and I recommend buying at least one so you can read through it and edit it for errors - you'll be surprised how many you can pick up when reading a physical book.

Remember, once your book is published you are a published author. This is exciting! However, it does mean you may not be eligible to enter various competitions, like the Storylines Tessa Duder award. Also, traditional publishers may be less likely to look at your manuscript and very few major bookstores will sell independently published titles unless they have very good reason to.

Page Formatting in OpenOffice

I've only just started the novel, and it is FAR too early to be formatting it, but I prefer to work at the size the final book will be printed at. Therefore, I spent 10 minutes working out how to remove the page numbers from the front pages. Since I had done this before and mostly forgotten how to do it, I thought it a fine idea to actually note it down this time (although the help files did indeed prove to be very helpful in this instance).


Go to Format -> styles and formatting
Click on the box labelled "Page Styles"
Select "new style from selection"
Give your new style a name. (ie: Main Text Body)

Now, go to the part in your book where you need to change the style from.
Insert -> Manual Break
Select "Page Break"
Choose your new style from the list.
Press OK


And, that's it!
Now anything you change in that section - page numbers, headers, whatnot, will only affect the pages loaded with that style.
Conveniently, the numbering also works. The first page of actual text in my book is page number 7.

Now that my book looks more like a book, I'm going to have breakfast before I begin writing.